The Tavern

I have a dream. I want to do a lot of good things for the people.
I have a dream. I want to contribute every mililitre of my blood to my country.
I have a dream. I want to die a valuable death. I want to die for my country, for the people.

But I had no chance. My country is a peaceful place. There is no war. I have no where to spill my blood. Even if I donate all 6 litres of my blood, those blood will only prolong the lives of 3 mat rempits for a few months. Then they will go rempit, crash again and, thankgodfully die. Or my blood can be used to save the snatcher who was caught and beaten up like 猪头炳 waiting his time in ICU.

But I want to die gloriously. I don’t mind if people forget me. But I want my death to benefit people I love.

Until recently, I was enlightened by a few assemblymen. They showed me the best way to die in my beloved country.

I have made up my mind. I will join BN. I will be state assemblyman. Then I will die a state assemblyman. If I die too early, I’ll dip myself in formalin and re-die later. If I die too late……. no, I will not die too late. I will make sure I die before expiry date.

Then politicians will attend my funeral. The PM, who will be having holiday in Perth will call up the media and say “Report that I’m sad, er, he’s a good guy, and its a great loss”. The next day all the front pages will have a weeping PM’s face.

But that is not the point. What important is, there will be a by-election. Tens of millions will be poured in. Roads will be paved three layers. Telekom towers will shift overnight. Chinese schools will get upgrades. Big shots will rush into my place. Everyone in my constituency will get to shake PM and DPM’s hands. PM’s sons, son-in-laws, daugther-in-laws, adopted sons, nephews, nieces… will also come. They will take photos with old folks. They will take photos with little kids. All these will make my people happy.

Then I will look down from the cloud castle. I will cry happy tears. God will be very pleased. These people are so happy. They are celebrating my death. “Isn’t it nice to have our YB die early early?” They think. “More of this should happen, and then our country 有救了!” They quietly think.

God will then pat on my head. “Good job you’ve done, lad. You’re the most useful assemblyman since independance. The rest of them arh, they 不死都没用!”

Biology class, Form 5

Teacher: Bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla, so, bla bla bla! So, white blood cells are the defenders of our body. When bacterias like staphylococcus aureas, salmonella typhi, eszerichia coli, streptococcus pneumoniae, michael schumacher, streptococcus pyogenes, talikasut awakcabut, hemophilus impreza, or viruses like rhinovirus arbovirus retrovirus influenza type A influenza type B toyota avanza type C and ……….

students: Teacher?

Teacher: (gasping for breath) huh…hah….huh…….hah……..heh………heh……………..ekhem, nothing nothing, the sentence just now was too long, I need to catch my breath.

students: (whisper) why don’t you just………..

Teacher: What? I was saying, white blood cells protects our body from harm, just like Polis Diraja Malaysia like that lah.They protect our lives and belongings.

students : You sure?

Teacher : Err…. okay, maybe not PDRM, but you get the idea lah.

student: So,PDRM is like what???

Teacher : PDRM is like leukemia.

students: Only?

Teacher : okay okay, leukemia and at the same time, infected with HIV.

Student : Oh anekhuan.

One thing I don’t like about writing blogs in friendster is that I don’t get to write anonymously, so naked that I don’t have the freedom to write more personal things like how much I hated the body odour of my cousin’s nephew’s father’s boyfriend’s sixth wife who happens to be in my friendster list (so because when she was clicking away she followed the link from her friendster page to her 13th husband’s boyfriend’s son’s uncle’s cousin that is, me, and she didn’t realise the person in the photo was actually Leon Lai and not someone who looked like him, and thus, added me in to her list fantasizing of some romantic explicit and orgasmic three night stand or something), because very likely she will get a notification email in the mail box dragging her here (along with her husbands, husbands’ boyfriends …) to read about how I describe the anatomy of her armpit, the pathological changes of her sweat glands, and the culture and sensitivity result of her armpit swab and how the new organism found was adding a totally new genus in the taxonomy.

Er, this is the second sentence.

And the third : I don’t know how to turn off (if this is possible) the notification thing, better, to selectively notify only certain perfumed pretty girls friends without body odour, I’m too lazy to find out.

So that’s it. I’m not blogging here anymore, perhaps………

TNB总裁兼首席执行员仄卡力放了一席屁 ：

无可否认的，国能目前的电供效率与服务水准能媲美许多发达国家的水平，并获得许多国际机构的认同，但我们不会自满，会继续提高效率，特别是确保大客户的电供不会中断。

用户的要求不断提高，所以我们要持续改善，今年9月至明年8月的财政年度，我们就增加维修拨款，由9亿令吉至12亿令吉，以迈向电供不中断的目标。

哈哈， 哈哈， 哈哈， 真是他妈的搞笑

Theatrical!

拜拜拜拜拜， 拜你个死人头

拜拜拜拜拜， 酱喜欢拜为什么不天天拜？

一年才拜那么一次， 哪里够？

要拜就拜， 一个人半夜偷偷去拜不可以，

就是要浩浩荡荡带齐几罗里记者去拍你用什么姿势拜。

死矮仔，

变态！

http://www.westword.com/issues/2001-09-06/sidebar.html
http://english.pravda.ru/science/19/94/377/14815_autotroph.html
http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/360/15323_Demkina.html

brought there by Chia Yuan.

Interesting!

Well, you thought Hang Tuah is the most famous member of his family? No, he’s not.

.

Hang Tuah had 9 brothers : Hang Jebat, Hang Lekiu, Hang Lekir, Hang Kasturi, Hang Six, Hang Seven, Hang Eight, Hang Nine, and……………..

……………………….

………….the youngest brother, and also the most famous :

………………………….

Hang Ten

effective in digging holes.

Several months ago, in a miserable car company’s design lab, some designers were sqeezing very hard on their edematous brain.

designer #1 : Eh, how lah? I putus idea liao. anyone has any idea on how this new car’s backside should look like?

designer #2 : Alah, just do it like how we always did. copy and paste!

designer #3 : Oh, like how we copied mazda’s nose and put it on our Gen-2 gen-3 ?

designer #2 : Or we can do it like Waja, I mean Gen-1.04, no one realised we designed it based on DrM someone’s face… haha the big nose especially…

designer #1 : So? Conclusion?

designer #2 : I think this time we change a bit. we copy other car’s face and put it as this new car’s buttock. what say you?

designer #3 : Brilliant!

designer #1 : Think we use waja lah, since we have its photo here. *copy copy copy…. paste paste paste…. modify modify modify…*

designer #1 : Tadang! See? nice?

designer #2 & designer #3 : *applause applause applause!!*

designer #1 : Now the name. any suggestion?

designer #3 : I think we name it SamiVelu lah, so that in the advertisement we can run it over with a truck.

designer #2 : Truck? What truck?

designer#3 : Yealah, go see in newspaper. the truck runs over it together with some other trash.

designer #2 : Oh okay, so its name is? SamiV?

designer #1 : Make it shorter lar ooi, Sa-V, k?

designer #3 : You’re not afraid of Sami Valu? I heard he can shout very loud.

designer #2 : Like this lor, if they ask for explanation, we’ll just say that since our neighboor next door names its car My-V, we of course can’t lose, so we name ours Saya-Punya-V, in short, Savvy!