The Tavern

somewhere near my house…..

herm……. *walk walk walk………*
a closer look.

Yinyin was a young but experienced waitress in a small restaurant. Taking customers’ orders, delivering foods and drinks… were her everyday job. Her passion for her job made her the friendliest waitress in the restaurant.

One evening, a married couple with their 8-year-old son came to the restaurant. The man was handsome and proud, his woman an elegant beauty. But the boy, even though he was very well dressed, he looked timid and lifeless in the eyes. They were brought to their table and yinyin began to take their orders.

Having taken the parents’ orders, Yinyin turned to the little boy and waited for him to order. The little child hesitated, glanced several times at his parents, then turned to Yinyin. Yinyin smiled and gave him an encouraging nod. The boy hesitated again, but finally he had gathered enough courage, so he said,” I want a chicken burger with…”

“NO BURGERS!!” snapped his parents suddenly, in such unison as if they had practiced everyday. “It is not good for your health!… oh miss, please give him a plate of spaghetti, salad and orange juice. No suger please.”

Yinyin remained smiling, still looking at the boy, and waited patiently for the mother to finish talking. Then, ignoring the woman, Yinyin asked the disappointed boy who was now resting on his seat like a punctured balloon. “Tomato or chilli sauce for your burger? Do you want cheese? what about some french fries?”

The boy almost jumped off his seat. He was so surprised. He couldn’t care more for his parents. “Yes please give me cheese, and tomato sauce, thank you! Thank you!” Tears rolled down his cheek. He was so happy.

The parents were speechless. But the boy was excited. “See? She noticed me! She listened to me!” “She thinks that I am important!”

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You will be parents someday ( or already are ). Don’t trade your children’s dignity for anything at all. A person doesn’t live if he’s lost his self-respect.

We get this kind of bulletin post every now and then :

Friendster Closing Down!!!faster post… or else… from mr allen smith(manager of
friendster ) Friendstersystem is getting to crowded!! We need you to forward this to at least 20 people. I know this seems like a large number, but we need to find out who is really using their account. If you do not send this to at least 10 Friendster members, we will delete your account. WARNING! We want to find out which users are actually using their Friendster accounts. So if you are using your account,please pass this e- mail to every Friendster user that youcan. IF YOU DO NOT PASS this letter toanyone we will delete your account. Sorry for this inconvenience.Because of the sudden rush of people signing up to friendster,it has come to our attention that we are vastly running out of resources. So, within a month’s time,anyone who does not receive this BULLETIN with the exact subject heading,will be deleted off our server. Please forward this BULLETIN so that we know you are still using this account.

My doubts :

1. Mr Allen Smith of friendster is using such broken english for serious business? It will be more like it if its Mr Tan Ah Beng or Dr Tiun Ah Seng talking.

2. And why does this Mr Beng or Seng sound more like mafia? “if you DON’T…. we SHALL DELETE…”

3. To show that we’re civilized, the message should be in a more polite tone : ” please lar, please cancel your membership because we’re running out of space. if you don’t do that, we will keep on begging and bugging…, and if you aren’t moved, then we will further beg and bug, and if you do not want to withraw yourself still, then we will have to……………………. go beg someone else…”, no?

4. Is this the best way of erm, spring cleaning, if friendster ever wants to? They know when you last logged in (as appeared on anyone’s friendster page), and they still have to track the message to see to whom it reaches?

5. And friendster doesn’t like to have many members? They invite more and more people in just to replace sleeping members or what?

If :

more members = extra burden = more cost = less profit,

Can I deduce that having NO members at all will maximize their profit? Because :

0 member = 0 burden = 0 cost = Max profit.

So they make money for putting up advertisement that will not be seen?

herm…… *scratch head scratch head*

enlighten me, anyone?

If you’re one of them who re-post this sort of message once you receive it, then in the process, your brain hasn’t played its part.

Yeah! WOOHOO! Its Mother’s Day today.

And on this very special day, everyone will suddenly realise how great their mothers are.

Children suddenly become wiser and more thoughtful. “Be kind to your mother or you will regret it with your whole life…”, “树欲静而风不止,子欲养而亲不在”, they chant, with such deep appreciation as if they’ve already seen four hundred and fifty eight of their own mothers RIP in front of them.

And they will do all sort of things to impress their mother. Some will perform monkey stunts to entertain their mother, some will sing songs to mother through phone. And they even employ a guitarist for best effect.

And some even more thoughtful children would wait until the clock strikes 12am midnight to give their mothers a surprise phone call to wish them Happy Mother’s Day. To be the first child to wish her, they said, “Like that baru sincere mar!”

And the poor hypertensive and insomniac mother became arrhythmic and were left awake the whole night, trying to regain normal heartbeat.

Some kids they like to celebrate any event at all with a cake. So they will buy a cake written in icing “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!! WE LOVE YOU!!”. But their poor mother will only eat half a slice of the cake and the remaining will be all eaten by them kids. And the cake will be of their favourite flavour of course, because the mother is never choosy, and she should be grateful and happy with anything at all.

And some even more and more thoughtful children, they will shoot the question at their mother directly :”mom, what present do you want for Mother’s Day?” which, according to them, is the way of using money wisest. “So you don’t buy things that she doesn’t like.”

But the mother will always come out with “Oh my dear children, I have you I have everything. All of you are so filial, I need nothing else to be happier, so don’t waste money”… exactly the answer for which the children are crossing their fingers so tightly. So at the end of the day they thankgodfully need not spend a cent. The money saved can be used to buy a new handphone.

You tell your mother you love her once a year. You over-pamper her, you heed every of her words like the order from the queen…. once a year. Yet you never made her proud of you for other 364 days in the year. And you never get goosebumps looking back at all those vomit-inducing acts you did on this Mother’s Day.

So, basically Mother’s Day is not a day for children to show mother their love. Quite the contrary, you get to see how much a mother’s love can be. Erm… No you don’t. You can never see how much a mother’s love can be.

I was doing cake delivery to Dorr’s house. He asked me to miss call him when I was about to arrive so he could welcome me with red carpet. But when I called, it was engaged. so I had to manually press the bell and wait. His brother’s face appeared in the window, and then his dad’s. then the brother opened the door for me, and when I stepped inside I saw his mom, which means I was greeted by everyone in his family but him.

And they pointed to the staircase : “Ah Yong’s upstairs, in room”. Ok, self service, fine.

The door was wide open so I went straight in. There he was, standing on one leg, the other leg crossing the weigh bearing leg, one hand supporting himself on the wall and the other hand glued to a phone, the phone glued to his ear. I imagined his backside saying ” ^.^ ,come in, sit, sit ^_^ “. He was deeply immersed in his phone call so he didn’t notice my presence (of course, he was facing the wall ) I poked his butt but he didn’t respond… Herm, No sensory nerve there? Strained too much due to constipation? Or is it the diarrhea few days back? And he told me later he thought it was his brother poking.

I wonder why at all he asked me to give him a miss call.

And he was saying, ” wah where got people after work still stay in office wan?” and “your house got computer or not?” and “wah office also no aircond?” and so on and so forth. Shake his sexy butt somemore.

And when he finally spelled “bye” and hung up the phone and turned around, he was so surprised to see me as if I was in some skimpy bikini or something. His pupils dilated, frontalis muscle contracted (which furrows the forehead), masseter muscles relaxed, jaw dropped, and yelled “warh!! its YOU!!” and then “…****,****,*******…”

We debated on this seriously serious topic which is whether Suk should go overseas or not. No conclusion.

He told me he planned to get up at 7am for jogging. Can burn up adipose tissues around tummy ( means dunlop tayar lar).

But when I left, it was already 3am. Muahahahaha… Yeah, go jogging. Good for health.

Stayed three days in Melaka. Not bad the place. Just a bit too hot. but its okay still because it makes the girls there hot too, they wear less (see? things are balanced up). Someone must have told the girls that prolonged exposure to the sun will NOT increase their chance of getting skin cancer, instead the sunlight can help them burn some fats off so they get thinner, or it can help to burn dead cells from their skin surface so they don’t have to do extra skincare or something.

Didn’t go to those typical MUST-GO! travel attraction like the B-famosa castle lar red house lar what what museum lar … instead, Dorr and Suk dragged me around to taste famous malaccan delicacies like satay celup and yong tau fu and asam fish head and chicken rice ball ( chicken rice compressed into small balls, the concept is like japanese sushi, but I bet they used the same money-collecting hands to do the compressing and rolling…oops, correct me.. ) Its a wonder both my friends didn’t get fatter after these years in Melaka. The foods are so delicious…. So they must have great self control. Tough guys.

And Malaccan drivers, wow they’re great drivers. Never had I seen better drivers than malaccan drivers. Their JPJ officers must be very very super filthy rich, just by selling driving licence.

And they have a lot of one-way streets. Those are for melaccan drivers so they don’t crash into opposite cars?

This time didn’t manage to meet up with Mei Leng. She was busy when I was free, and then when I was on my way driving home, her sms reached asking me “wanna meet?”… so enthusiastic that i had to call her up to explain that I was already at home.

Went to the barber shop just now with YK after our dinner at secret recipe. It was 9.30pm then. The shop was supposed to close at 9pm, but since the barber was still there he let me in. Isa his name. A nice person and skilled barber he is.

On the TV was news about thailand’s sex industry (or something like that).

Isa : hai… these people, they bla bla bla bla. and bla bla bla. later they come back with HIV baru tau.

Me : erm…

Isa : Actually its very easy to detect HIV you know… you just wait until their wives get pregnant… they sure will have to go hospital, right? then you check and see if the wife have this HIV. Then you know that she must have got it from the husband…. then you go tangkap him.

Me : erm… (yea right, brilliant)

Isa : Too bad HIV got no remedy. Nowadays its different already you know. Last time we have only syphilis and gonorrhea (only?!). Those are small case. Now HIV man! bla bla bla…

Me : erm…

Isa : Actually, you know? The appearance of this HIV is long stated in our Al-quran d.. bla bla bla…

Me (trying to show interest) : oh?

Isa : Ya, once upon a time there was this this this and that that that, then the God sent messenger to warn them, but they wouldn’t listen. so God submerged them under dead sea.

Me : erm…

Isa : You know, actually the Bible and Al-quran say the same thing. Its just that our kitab is the last version of God’s sayings. Its most updated… (okay, version 1.02 beta you mean)… bla bla bla.

Isa : And Christian and Islam share a lot of names. Like, Zakaria for Zachary, Iskandar for Alexander, Isa for Jesus…

Me : Oh!? So I can call you Jesus next time?

Isa : Er… er… ..erm… so you want your sideburn cut or leave it there?

When we got out from the shop YK said he was having a very hard time trying not to laugh. I suspect he leaked some urine due to incontinence.

And its amazing how topics can switch from some prostitutes on TV to the Doom’s Day.